I wish I could punch you in the face.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
