I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
