I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
