Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
