I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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