Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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