i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whose ass print is on the piano?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
