I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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