I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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