why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
