Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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