Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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