I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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