You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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