my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
