Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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