i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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