there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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