I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
