my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
