Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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