Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You work out of a Hotel?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
