i jhust puked up my retainher.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
