Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
