I got chris browned last night
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
