Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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