You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
