If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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