how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
