Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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