That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
