it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
two words: eviction party
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
