I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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