new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
