when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize