Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
