Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
