Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
