that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
