i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it because I queefed?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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