You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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