she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
