I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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