Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
