I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
