Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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