My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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