I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
