Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
