we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We need to get me chipped asap
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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