She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
