my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
