I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
