I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
