I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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