so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
