do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize