Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
