Your face is a jimmy john
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
