I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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