And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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