i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
