Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize