I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
