shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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