Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
