There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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