I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
