I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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