Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize