no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
