If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Vodka?
Forever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
