apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
