That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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