I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
