I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize